Monthly Archives: October 2005

主慈頌

I had fixed feelings this weekend.

When I was meeting for S+L, I was pretty happy (I finally started to
LOVE those meetings where we have to scratch our heads, trying to fix
our flow. And the Angus Glen library is a nice environment to have
meeting in….) Later, when I picked up my mom… During lunch, I found
that we’re almost speechless. I couldn’t help but asked her,
"other than reminding me what to bring, what time to pick you up, how
hot/cold today is, do we have other things to talk about?" And my mom
said, "Oh, I have many things that I want to ask you, just that I don’t
know when is a good time." Then the first thing she asked was, "all
those meetings that you have to go, do you manage to meet friends? By
friends, I mean boyfriend." And my answer was a simple no, "no, I can’t
meet any boyfriend". The conversation ended again. Then I began the
conversation by explaining to her why I’m trying to switch jobs now, so
she can understand what I’m thinking better. I spent Sat afternoon
sleeping, then woke up to have an early dinner, and went to singathon.
This year’s singathon is mostly singing, not as entertaining as last
year. I took a few videos, including Taize prayer group’s performance.
I couldn’t see her very clearly (partly due to the fact that I was
looking at the camera’s LCD most of the time), I could see she was
smiling pretty happily, but I could kinda felt her eyes are a bit
swollen. I’ve found out for quite a long time already, that she appears
happier than she really is. The show is okay entertaining, one of the
nice surprises was how Fr. Huang appear during the "commercial break",
appearing sexy with the saxophone, and how he rejected the flower…
That made my night I guess. And how I won the size 9 rollerblade, this
is one of the rare occasions where I actually won something in a lucky
draw.

Sunday. I found Fr. Huang’s homily pretty good. It’s actually very hard
to be 一致all the time. How I appear in front of friends and how I appear
in front of family. How I appear at work… One thing that struck me is
that when Fr. Huang concluded his homily, he said the teachers of the
law and the Pharisees can be compared to today’s preists, bishops, and
the Pope. Jesus told us that we have to listen to what they tell us,
but we don’t need/want to follow what they do. I don’t think the
priests/bishops/Pope are as bad as the Pharisees, but I think this
comparison is valid to a certain degree. It’s important to remind
ourselves that it’s Jesus that we’re supposed to follow, that the
Church isn’t perfect doesn’t mean we have to disobey the Church. During
communion, the hymn chosen was 主慈頌, I always thought this song has
great lyrics, and when I looked at it today, it’s just so well-written,
so true:

祂未曾應許天常蔚藍
祂未曾應允花兒常開
祂卻恩許﹐祂的慈愛常在
是的﹐仁慈的主
懷念祢的恩德
就是絕妙的禱詞
讓我們在悠悠的歲月中﹐
引吭詠唱

Then the usually lunch at Tai Woo (the 4 youngest kids were absent, me
being the youngest, so all the greasy stuff + ice water I had to
eat/drink)… When I was at the supermarket, my aunt came talk to me
secretly, saying how my mom asked the co-workers to drive her for the
concert on 20th night… The idea is that they think they have no
obligation to drive her (and they have their reasons as well), and
wonder why my dad and I can’t drive her… I guess my mom is at a point
where she’s afraid to request me to do anything, afraid that I’ll
"black face", and I think I’ve told her in the past that "someone
should be able to drive you"… I guess it’s part of my
responsibility…. I mean, of course I can drive her, when she ask in
advance like that, I’m just not absolutely sure if I can…
Sigh…………… I guess such small thing already tells me that I’m
selfish. My unwillingness (or at least the perceived unwillingness) to
offer my mom what she needs has caused all the 隔膜that I experience with
her today. Went home. Read something… again made me realized all the
unhappiness that I’ve caused…

Luckily there’s WCCC2 today… I kinda have something to focus on.
Teresa talked about the Beatitudes today, the CD is really good. The
explanation is clear and it isn’t such a drag to listen. The speaker
(余福錦神父) used stories to illustrate the point of each beatitude. In the
past, I never realize the significance of the placement of the
beatitudes, and the inter-relation between them. And we sang the Spirit
Song in the end (2nd time playing guitar in front of ppl!)… the
encouragement made me feel better.

So… a weekend that uncovers all the things that I need to improve…

Guidance for career decisions

That’s what I asked for in recent prayers, especially during last night’s.

Today, that’s what I got.

Barnaby messaged me asking about what to write for his IDP’s "long term
career aspirations". So I copied and pasted mine as a sample. Then I
told him about getting certified for WAS only because I’d like to
change jobs. He then found out for me a link with info of how one
should go about asking his/her manager for an availability date.

Then the lady @ Logitech called back again, and scheduled the phone interview @ 5

Wandini sent me an e-card since I sounded pretty 愁 the last time I talked to her in MSN. The e-card says "Don’t give up".

When I was about to ding lunch, I saw Joanna again. It seems like every
time I needed to talk to her, I’d run into her, and she’s always on her
way out But she listened
to me anyways. Her suggestion is that if I have an offer and I’m ready
to leave, I have nothing to lose… Or, if I’m trying to ask for an
availability date, I should ask after year end since the budgeting
decisions are made at that point. It’s easier to decide moving people
around at that time.

As I finished talking with Joanna, I saw Vivian sitting by the window
then I just joined eating with her. We talked about job searching,
about her not taking the offer and stayed..about willing to accept
another more interesting job with less $$… about rock climbing.

Finally it was time for the interview. I think it went well. I guess I
like the job due to the fact that it’s a consumer product. And it seems
like I’d get to move around the different parts of the software. And
that the team size isn’t too big… I’m just a little afraid that I’d
have to touch with the installer again. But he did assure me that he is
not looking for an InstallShield developer… And I was thinking
afterwards, at least it won’t be AIX, Solaris, and Linux on zSeries.
It’d be mostly Windows and Mac I guess.

Thank you Lord. I know you’ve answered my prayers. When I needed guidance/info, I didn’t even ask and they just came to me~
I know You were there, through the different people, you spoke to me,
offering me suggestions. I pray that I won’t be acting on impulse, that
I will be making informed and thorough decisions, that I’d do as much
as possible to not leave as much a mess behind with my current team.
Lord, hear my prayer.

About being saved

Our Lord warns us not to fear because
there are three false fears that keep us from God: We want to be saved,
but not from our sins;
we want to be saved, but not at too great a
cost;
we want to be saved in our way not His.

— Bishop Fulton Sheen

How true it is?!?!?!?!

L-O-V-E

Today’s gospel:
 
Matthew 22:34-40
But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sad’ducees, they came together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, to test him. "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?" And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets."
 
In Fr. Leung’s homily, he reminded us that although God appears to be very 惡 in the Old Testament. He is actually really kind and merciful. Fr. Leung said people are bad, without punishments and being threaten  , they won’t listen to anything. I agree with that. I’m thinking, in the Old Testament, God uses punishments so that people would obey Him out of fear. This is to make humans to follow His orders first. Then in the New Testament, He sends His son and shows us His love for us. This feels a bit like 先小人後君子﹐ and it’s totally because of humans’ 惡根性…
 
Fr. Leung told us that God doesn’t want us to keep a spreadsheet of which rules we broke, we’re not here to obey rules. As shown in today’s gospel, all He wants us to do is to love. When we love, we won’t break the commandments, we won’t disregard others’ feelings. He stressed on particularly one thing, that Jesus would like us to love others the way He has loved us. And how do Jesus love us? First of all, God’s love is unconditional, while the people were crucifying Him, He already loved them. And second of all, Jesus initiated the love first.
 
This homily about love is nothing new, but it’s something that deserves constant reminder. What is our faith about? It’s just about love.
 
 ——————————
Another thing that makes me happy today is that we’re finally done with the youth formation script  (at least the voiceover and a-roll).  I wasn’t too optimistic about being able to finish today (despite what Vivien and Ada said). But we managed in the end! Thanks be to God!!  And we were done at like slightly past 5.. I don’t know I find it amazing~ When we got stuck at one particular narrator voiceover, I was thinking, sor la, how can we finish today… But didn’t give up, and I asked for God to help… And I’m certain that He was with us

God’s Gifts


Ada forwarded it out 2 days ago… I think it’s so true

I asked…




I asked for Strength…



And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.




I asked for Wisdom…



And God gave me Problems to solve.




I asked for Prosperity…



And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.




I asked for Courage…



And God gave me Danger to overcome.




I asked for Love…



And God gave me troubled people to help.




I asked for Favors…



and God gave me Opportunities.




I got nothing I wanted…



But I received everything I needed.

Thought of the day

During today’s wccc2 meeting, speaking of asking God for things that we
want, I again brought up the point Suzanne made during her post-GT
sharing. She said that when we entrust something to God, we should be
leaving it *totally* up to
Him. If we still expect Him to fulfill it by certain time in a certain
way, then we aren’t really entrusting it to Him. And today I realized
if we’re expecting God to give that something that we ask for by
certain time in certain ways, it’s like boss asking for a job done…
Being a Christian is basically about submitting oneself to God. He is
superior, but He is never like a boss. He is so much better than a
boss. And it makes no sense at all for us to expect Him to do something
in ways that we expect/prefer.

We’re hoping at times of trouble, God will take care of us. But we’re
not ready to entrust things to Him totally. If we truly wish God to
take care of something, we should keep our hands off. The only thing
that we should be doing is to keep asking humbly and faithfully.

Thought of the Day

Today is Joe and Cat’s wedding day~ During the mass, suddenly a thought came to my mind… I remember during Petrus’ talk about prayers, he reminded us not to "limit the ways in which God talks to us". And I suddenly realize today, I should not limit the ways in which God loves me either… He might use other ways to tell me I’m loved, then the ways that I’ve expected or preferred. I might not understand now but it’s okay.

I’m happy to be a witness of Joe and Cat’s wedding. It’s not easier to be together for so long and eventually getting married. They’ve endured tests, passed them, and now they’re entering another stage in their lives. I wish they’re happy and at peace all the time. God bless this new family! 😀

Thought of the day

Look at my gifts. Thank God for the gifts. Don’t compare mine with
others. I won’t have all the good things, simply because God is fair.

Great quote again…

He who walks along a precipice (斷崖,絕壁,危急的處境;災難的邊緣), although
he may not fall over, yet he trembles and often falls through that very
fear. Even so, he who flies not far from sin, but keeps near to it,
lives in continual fear, and often falls.

— St John Chrysostom

I think this makes a whole lot of sense…

Growing up…

I’ve been thinking about pretty negative things (though a bit better
than before…) these days. But I do think I’ve got some 領悟…

Realization #1
As I spend more days in this "University of Society", I realize all the
老人言is true. I once thought many things are easy to achieve, just that
some people aren’t "that capable". How wrong was I?! It’s really
amazing how people can just endure all the "hardships" in the
workplace. It’s not easy. There’s your boss, there’s your co-workers,
and there’s your customers… 打工真係唔容易.

Realization #2
I came to understand that realizing or finding an idea
great/touching is just the beginning. Having the faith to *LIVE OUT*
that realization is the real challenge. And only if you really strive
to live your life like that you can claim yourself a true believer. I
found myself so bak chi. There are things that I know it’s hard or I
heard from people in the past that it’s hard. And finally when it’s
time for me to face the same thing, it seems like I’ve forgotten about
what others have said… And eventually I find it’s hard and I’d want
to give up. But wait a second, isn’t that what others have told you
before? Is it because it’s hard and you’re ready to give up?! … So
here I am, I’m at a point where I realize there are things that are
hard. But I have no choice, I am going to see what I can do with it,
despite it’s hard….

Realization #3
In the past, due to my stupid pride (still proud, but working towards
being more humble), there are many people whom I look down upon, due to
various reasons. Now, being in similar situations, I finally come to
understand those people’s pains. Not getting what I originally wanted,
but I get another gift instead: understanding and compassion. And for
sure, I pray more these days for myself and for these people who share
the same pains as I do. I know where to turn to for the strength I
need…

(No one would understand what I’m talking about here except probably
myself… And it’s alright. I’m probably the only reader of this.)