9/28 First day at MOP

​It’s 9:41pm. And I am sitting at a dimly lit corner, on a chair while holding my plastic bottle of water between my thighs. It has been so long since I last slept in a dorm setting. And it’s so different from GT because I had no work pressure at GT. Here, I only have WiFi when Uncle Roque is around. And even though I have a laptop with me, without WiFi, light and desk, I don’t think there is any chance for me to do work that requires laptop. 

The weather is hot. So cold water shower is not too much of a problem, but I still had to pray “all glory goes to you Lord” when I first put my head under the shower head. I have to get used to the 狼狽 way of taking shower in this dorm style environment. 

This is a super busy week for the brothers. They have had 5 shows already, and they will have two more shows for children, then four more shows for the general audience. They have more guests coming than expected. And they still have to run the centers. 

When we joined the brothers at Corpus Christi for prayers, the young faces and the 堅定 conviction of the brothers is inspiring. To see these brothers at such a young age, to commit to live a life like this, must be so puzzling to the ordinary people. 

When we were having meeting with Fr. Henry and Br. Ronel, when the bell rang at 6pm, they immediately started saying Angelus. The pillar that keeps them grounded is the prayer routine and to put prayer as a priority. 

For myself, of course the arrangement of putting us in separate monasteries makes me nervous, and now without WiFi, there is basically no way to communicate with them. In a situation like this, anxiety naturally arises in me. But once again, I would be fooling myself if I expect things will go to happen in a way that works exactly as I wish, when I come on a trip like this. I pray that I will not hinder the work that the Holy Spirit wishes to do through me.

St. Maximilian and Our Blessed Mother

After going to the relic exposition of St. Maximilian Kolbe, I was left with some free time so I decided to fill up (cheaper) gas at Costco. The line was sooooo long. As I waited in line, I looked in my phone to see what music is there. And there I found one single song from Frances Yip’s Grace and Glory album. It’s my favorite song from the album: How Can I Ever Let You Go. I looped this song for the rest of my wait and ride. The lyrics are so beautiful. Our Blessed Mother is so great, so humble, and so faithful.

Contemplate Mary, saying yes to God’s plan, that she be the Mother of God
She journeys to Bethlehem where she gives birth to Jesus
The joy and beauty of her new baby
Angels and shepherds and kings
Simeon’s prophecy that a sword will pierce her heart
And Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart

Where are You going, baby of mine?
So fragile, so needful
So poorly attired
Who are these angels, singing peace on earth?
Heart of my heart come to birth

Contemplate Mary, loving Jesus through His growing years
This wonderful and somehow mysterious child
She rejoices at each new insight and accomplishment
She tries to understand as Jesus begins to discover His own vocation
And Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart

Where are You going, little child of mine?
So frightened, so hurried, and fearful this time
Who are these angels, with crosses and spears?
Come and I’ll wipe away Your tears

Contemplate Mary at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry
She sees and hears such unusual things
The water becomes wine at Cana
There are miracles and parables and crowds
Friends, enemies
Is he mad as some of them say a heretic, the Messiah?
And Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart

Where are You going, O Son of mine?
With powers of healing, and fire in Your eyes
You’re off to wherever
I never will know
It’s time for me now to let You go

Contemplate Mary at the foot of the cross
She’s there, she stands by Him no matter what
With Him she weeps, agonizes and struggles and surrenders
At last he is given back to her, dead
And Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart

Where are You going, heart of my heart?
Your pain is my pain
We never will part
Your death means so much more than I ever will know
But how can I ever let You go

Contemplate Mary, at the empty tomb
And with the other disciples in the Upper Room
She meets her risen Son
Believes in Him and knows the power of His resurrection
The empty tomb, fire and wind
In the name of Jesus, be healed
And Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart

Where are You going, wish that I knew
You’re off to forever, Your dream has come true
Who are these angels, I think that I know
Heart of my heart, Jesus
Dream of my dreams, Jesus
How can I ever let You go

I thank St. Maximilian Kolbe for once again helping me appreciate how great Our Blessed Mother truly is. Mother Mary, sorry for my lack of devotion to you. You are indeed the most perfect disciple of Jesus, and our most loving mother.

Never lose hope!

The One Bread One Body reflection is one that I have to keep reminding myself of always.

Monday, May 25, 2015, St. Bede the Venerable, Pope St. Gregory VII, St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

Sirach 17:19-24, Psalm 32:1-2, 5-7, Mark 10:17-27
Link to Readings –> http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/052515.cfm


“He encourages those who are losing hope.” -Sirach 17:19

Hope in the Lord leads directly to strength. Those who hope in the Lord will never fail in strength (1 Mc 2:61) and actually renew their strength (Is 40:31). This is because “hope remains” after all else passes away (see 1 Cor 13:13). A people of hope is forever a people of strength.
Since hope is so critical to strength, it follows that Satan would relentlessly attack people to prevent them from growing in hope. To beat down our hope, Satan bludgeons us with:
  * a delaying game. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Prv 13:12) rather than strong. We defeat this by lovingly waiting on the Lord (Is 40:31, RSV-CE) as long as it takes.
  * disappointments. We don’t let defeats conquer hope, for “hope will not leave us disappointed” (Rm 5:5; Is 49:23).
  * sadness, which can lead to despair. We must fight this by rejoicing in hope (Rm 12:12) always (Phil 4:4).
  * repeated temptations to focus on self instead of God. Instead, we must look at what God has done in past generations (Sir 2:10). Those who have hoped in God have always been rewarded.

We may be so battered by trials that we are unable to raise our heads, much less grow in hope. God lifts up our head (Ps 3:4) and refuses to let us lose hope. The Lord Himself “encourages those who are losing hope” (Sir 17:19). When all seems hopeless, God Himself will give us a living hope (see 1 Pt 1:3, RNAB). Therefore, never give up, never stop waiting on the Lord, never give in to hopelessness, “and always hope in your God” (Hos 12:7).

Prayer: Jesus, I will focus on You, my Hope of glory (Col 1:27).

Promise: “With God all things are possible.” -Mk 10:27

Praise: Pope St. Gregory VII’s last words were: “I have loved justice and hated iniquity…therefore, I die in exile” (see Ps 101).

How a Japanese Movie Reminds Me of Mercy

I am sitting on the AC015 flight to Hong Kong now, just finished watching the second movie: 深宵食堂 midnight diner. It’s an interesting movie like most of the Japanese movies I have watched.

The diner is run by a guy (people call him Master) in his 50s with a scar over his eye and face. (The movie never explains the scar, but I would assume he was probably a 從良了的江湖大佬). This place is like a community or cell group of its own. The customers know one another and feel comfortable with sharing personal stories with each other: broke up, had an affair, challenges at work etc. And the Master has a merciful heart, when people have nowhere to go, he would offer to help, starting by cooking something they want to eat.

What I find special is how people can open up so much, to share very difficult struggles. In some cases, like the woman who had an affair with a rich guy, when he died, at first she didn’t have any inheritance, and in this place, a young fellow expressed interest and they quickly hit it off, and the relationship ended the moment she found she had a share with the guy’s money. The other folks find this woman pretty bad and criticized her. But after a while she seems to be welcomed again.

People’s struggles are very unique and real, despite the fact that I don’t fully understand some of the details. The girl who came from rural place, who had nowhere to go, ate 霸王餐 at first and went back to ask to be hired. And the first thing Master offered was a few bucks so she could have a bath.

And the story between the man who lost his wife in the Tsunami, who got led on by the volunteer… Going all the way to Tokyo to ask to be with her, facing the rejection and acted out… Turns out the volunteer used the volunteer experience to help get herself back together after being dumped with the boss whom she had an affair with…

The weird cop and the delivery girl, who seems to be 弱智… Very interesting and warm interactions.

And the scene where the customers ate there in Halloween costumes, it’s not funny funny but it’s interesting in a way that I can’t articulate.

I think what touches me is the kind of relationship that people can build when they open up, not afraid of being judged,  whatever mistakes they had committed. And that’s a place where new people can join and be accepted. The Master helps me understand what being merciful is about. It’s being gentle. It’s not being super nice to you that the receiving end doesn’t know how to pay back. It starts by offering something small, it’s a gesture to show the other person “I delight in your existence” (from “Consoling the Heart of Jesus”). This gesture is small yet is the most important thing to establishing the relationship, it’s supposed to meet the need of that person at that moment.

Japanese movies amaze me that the stories are so unique and so full of 人性, so realistic and so 有血有肉.

From 情書, to 藉著雨點說愛你, to 禮儀師之奏鳴曲, to 告白, to (unknown: about a man played by 唐澤壽明 who played a PowerRangers figure), to (unknown: about how a young guy gifted in music formed a band with friends, but was manipulated by the agent), to (unknown: how a family survived the Tsunami), to 字裡人間, to 誰調換了我的父親.

Wish to see these movies again…





  • 凡支持安樂死合法化的議案都投贊成票
  • 任何跟墮胎有關的議案都投票支持,令加拿大繼續成為世上少數沒有任何規管的情況下,只要嬰兒未完全離開母體,都能被殺害的國家



今日 陳奕迅


F              Am
今日事情如不順 今日問題如不盡
    Cm               D
像處圈中圈 了斷也了不斷
      Gm              Bbm
若今日你倦了 頹然哭 容許我送贈暖
    Dm       G7      C
准我漫漫長路末端 亦如初戀 

F              Am
當日熱情燃不盡 今日熱情仍不盡
    Cm               D
就算怎都好 你願我更加願
      Gm              Bbm 
共跨盡冷及暖 甜和酸 才可以算是共存
  Dm       G7      C
能共患難 才是認真的有緣 

        F             Am             Dm
抬頭吧 相信愛你便能飛 敢交出你會創出傳奇
    Gm              Ebm          C
變幻人生是避無可避 卻沒人可驅使愛別離
        F             Am
抬頭吧 黑暗過會是晨曦 懷著樂觀總有轉機
    Bb           F        G Bb   C       Dm
今天珍惜今天 逢凝望我心所愛的你 我已彷彿會飛  

F              Am
今日像明日一樣 今日任何日一樣 
    Cm               D
就算怎辛酸 愛護你我甘願
      Gm              Bbm 
沒揀擇冷或暖 甜和酸 晴天雨季缺或圓
  Dm        G7      C
全部受落 才是活得真正全 

        F              Am            Dm
抬頭吧 相信愛你便能飛 敢交出你會創出傳奇
    Gm              Ebm         C
變幻人生是避無可避 卻沒人可驅使愛別離
        F             Am
抬頭吧 黑暗過會是晨曦 懷著樂觀總有轉機
    Bb           F        G
今天珍惜今天 逢凝望我心所愛的你 能敖翔天和地 

抬頭吧 相信愛你便能飛 敢交出你會創出傳奇 
變幻人生是避無可避 這份情愛卻永不會死 
抬頭吧 黑暗過會是晨曦 懷著樂觀總有轉機 
今天珍惜今天 逢凝望我心所愛的你 我已彷彿會飛



自星期日早上起來,喉嚨已不舒服。到了星期三,不單說話走音,連想大聲一點都有困難。有人在電話留言找我(sorry, 我不是想說〈愛我請留言〉,但公司電話真的有人留了言給我:P) 我只能用電郵、短訊回覆。今早起來,經過數次服用抗生素,聲音大了很多,接近正常水平,也沒有走音情況。雖然仍不時咳嗽,但出乎意料之外,聲音回復了八成,令我整天心情好了很多。今天晚上參與聖週四的禮儀,很自然的想跟著唱,才發現雖然說話沒問題,但是完全唱不到。於是禮儀裡的歌只能動口,在心裡唱。我喜歡唱歌,雖然沒有很大表演慾,但在彌撒中、在車廂中、洗澡時、在k房唱歌都是我很喜歡的。


不知從何時開始,我正常說話的聲線是很遠以外的人都會聽到。我經常要面對的「煩惱」是如何不要不自覺地說得太大聲,我要很刻意才能把聲線壓低。很多人跟我說我這種聲線是最適合教書的,不用咪高峰,山頂的朋友也聽到,多好! 而有趣的是,明明在小學期間,經常有老師說我答問題不清楚,聲音太小,究竟是什麼時候,發生過什麼事,令我無需用丹田說話都聲如洪鐘,只會被人嫌大聲呢? 真的記不起。

我時常在想為什麼給我起中文名的爺爺會給我選「鳴」作為名字? 由於他身在遠方,我出生時他有否看過我也成問題,他為何會覺得「鳴」跟我相配? 難道真的人如其名? 世事真有趣。

返回正題,本來我寫這篇是要分析為何聲線對我這麼重要。聲線是一個表達的渠道,是最唾手可得,最能自然表達自己想法、感覺的一個方式。我們常常聽到「要為xyz發聲」,為什麼? 因為很多人、很多團體/族群原來很用力都發不了聲。我們有能力發聲的一群,有否察覺自己有義務為這些人說話,除了說自己想說的話,會否借出自己的聲線助他們一把呢?





Thanks to my guardian angel

When I was driving home after work, after getting past Kennedy, the road was slippery. My car slipped, good that I could control it. Just after I got control of my car, I saw that the car in front of me slipped and spun. And when I looked at my rear view mirror, I saw the car behind me also slipped and hit the curb. I couldn’t believe it. It was like a scene from TV. I looked at the cross hung from my rear view mirror. After a long and tiring day, with my mediocre driving skills, thank God my car didn’t slip crazy. Lord, thanks for keeping me safe.

生命中的 CS 341

上星期和幾位朋友回到大學,緬懷一下那幾年的大學生活,看看校園各處有什麼改變。回到Notre Dame Chapel,那是當年每星期WCCC聚會的地點,亦是我讀書考試最徬徨無助時會回去的地方。在那幾年大學生涯中,最叫我徬徨無助的是CS 341。

CS 341 (algorithms)是我大學生涯上最難忘、最難頂的一科。(為非CS讀者解說一下,在Computer Science裡,algorithms就是計算的部驟。如果要寫一個program,譬如這program要搜尋database裡一項資料,要寫這個program,你就要去想清楚要怎樣做才搜尋得到,而且要用最有效率的方法去做。)對我來說,這一科的所有功課和考試題目,都是無厘頭的IQ題,是我不能理解的。我大學生涯中唯一一次mid-term不合格的污點,就是這一科造成的。

我一直不覺得自己聰明,我能在大學得到不錯的成績全因為勤力。當董建華說自己7-11時,我考試期間的schedule亦是7-11在library渡過。CS 341令我最感無助的是這科完全不能讀,我感到束手無策。這科甚至令我重新質疑自己是否真的選錯了科(大鑊的是那時已經是第三年了)。我記得在那次mid-term派卷後,我大受打擊。我步行到chapel,在聖體櫃前跪下,便哭起來。

完成大學以後,CS 341以不同方式再次在我的生命出現。它的特徵是不論我多努力,都沒有成果(或當初自以為還不錯,之後才驚覺自己已闖了一次又一次禍。)

感謝天主在大學時讓我第一次學習倚賴祂,沒有什麼比在耶穌前哭更能使我平靜下來。CS 341讓我認清誰是我的救星,使我明白人不能只靠自己。

The Prayer of Examen

When I went for a silent retreat at Manresa two years ago, I came across the Prayer of Examen. I found it to be a good way of concluding a day. I even bought 2 books, one in English and one in Chinese. But I never really put it into practice. I’m glad that this time in retreat I finally got to try it under the guidance of a Jesuit brother. I will try to do it once a day. I want to keep it up!

The Prayer of Examen

  1. Place yourself before the Lord – Be still, and know that I am God (Ps 46:10).
    Take as much time as you need to calm yourself interiorly and become aware that you are in God’s presence.
  2. Give thanks – look back at your day (or week, month, year) and give thanks to God for the blessings that you have received. Do not rush. Take your time to give thanks. Be thankful for all things, not simply those that you think you should be thankful for (the taste of that cake that you enjoyed, etc)
  3. Prayer for the Light of the Holy Spirit to guide you through the Examen so that you may see the day through God’s ‘eyes’.
  4. Finding God in All Things – God indeed is very active in our lives, though we often fail to recognize it. Go through your day chronologically, looking at your day through God’s ‘eyes’:
    • when did I recognize God’s presence and accept the invitation to follow Him in a situation?
    • how was my prayer today? Consolations/Desolations in prayer?
    • how were my interactions with others? Was I generous? Peaceful? Kind? Good?
    • try to remember the interior movements in those moments: joy, hesitation, frustration, peace, etc. How did you respond to them? Are there any trends that you are noticing?
    • did I turn my back on the Lord at some point during the day?
    • have I indulged in a particular weakness/sin/habit today that I am trying to overcome?
    • did I lack in generosity, goodness, kindness, etc. towards others today?
    • pay attention to interior movements – what ‘sets off the bomb’?
  5. Respond to God in Dialogue – talk with the Lord about your day. What bothered you the most? What did you find most consoling? Bring all your concerns, doubts, joys, etc. to God in a conversation.
  6. Prayer for Help for the next day – Give thanks to the Lord for showing you these things and ask pardon of God for your failings. Make a resolve for the next day – what will you try to improve (make a commitment)? Finish with an Our Father.